“Addiction shows in my thinking: I am less aware, more ready to deceive myself.”
The addict sees the world in an odd way; he/she doesn’t see what is really there. The addict seeks to deceive others, but needs to be aware that he/she is self-deceived. When you cannot trust your own perception, you must find a way to learn what can be trusted.
This is difficult. Since you must use your own mind to filter out what is trustworthy and what is not.
[No one said this would be easy].
One way you can do this is by talking with others about your feelings, and listening to them talk about theirs. This is why support groups like AA have been so helpful. These groups allow people to gather in a structured environment where rules of interaction are employed and open sharing is safe. In the process, you hear “your own story” echoed by others, and your objectivity allows you to see what they cannot see about themselves. Then . . . you can (if you will) make the the translation to your own situation, usually with the help of a sponsor.
You must learn to employ what we can call the two H’s of recovery: honesty and humility.
- Honesty = the willingness to tell the truth about yourself (as best you can with a mind skilled in self-deception).
- Humility = the act of truly accepting the truth about yourself (and allowing that to re-size your view of yourself, and create perspective).