You are willing to admit that you have a problem, that there is something you are engaged in you cannot seem to stop doing, that is damaging to loved ones around you, and that if you could have an ectomy of whatever it is, indeed you would.
As Mark Twain said, “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know, because I’ve done it thousands of times.”
No doubt, you have tried to give up your addiction, too, but . . . you are powerless over the addiction. And now, perhaps, you are willing to admit that.
But what next?
Freedom from addiction (no matter what it is) has a set of requirements. If you are familiar with the 12 Steps of AA (and countless other recovery groups) then you are already familiar with these requirements (see http://12step.org/steps/the-12-steps.html for a list of the steps to recovery). I will not rehash them here except to say the following:
If you want freedom from addiction you must be willing to look at yourself honestly and realize this is a process, a slow uncovering of the truth about yourself; and it will not be pretty. There is a reward which comes. And it is well worth the pain it will take to get to it. But make no mistake: there will be pain.
The consolation is that the pain will never be as great as the pain you would experience (and extend to loved ones around you) had you stayed in your addiction.
Unless you just can’t stand country music, you might want to listen to this song; it says a great deal:
http://youtu.be/jqo0aVgKHRo (Kenny Chesney, That’s Why I’m Here)